A Few Of My Un-Favourite Things

You know how sometimes somethings just piss you off? How sometimes you wish you could just kick someone or something who's annoying you? But maybe it's just our Asian culture where we pretty much end up swallowing our irritation and smile...but with a LOT of cursing in your heads!

I thought today I'm gonna make a list of things that seriously annoy me...and I'm very sure lots and lots (and I mean LOTS) of people out there share them with me....but like I said, maybe being good Asian youths, we pretty much pretend we're cool with it, and trust me, the way I can pretend sometimes, it's amazing how I haven't won some Academy Award yet!!

Things I really, really don't like:

1) Sharing my food.

OK, I so know how weird this might sounds, especially being a Malaysian and all, where we pretty much bend backwards to be caring and loving and all that jazz....but I really have an issue with sharing my food!! I mean, it's my food, right? I took it/bought it/ordered it for myself, right? So why must someone else eat of my plate? It's really irritating. If you like it so much, well good, keep it in mind and order it the next time....but don't eat mine! Similarly, it's equally annoying when people force you to sample their food....I mean, I'm sure it must be yummy and all that, but I really don't want to taste it. The worse is, when you politely decline tasting someone's food, but they just go on and on forcing you "try some"... you just wanna shove the whole freakin plate down their throats! If I really wanted it, I would have ordered it, you know.

The only one I share my plate with would be a little kid, a baby, my cat or a bf. If you're none of them, then don't share my food. So simple.

2) People touching me.

Don't touch me. It's my skin, my hands, my arms, my body. Go touch your own one. Its a BIG issue for me....random hugs, arms around my shoulder, touching my hair!! If you're not my bestie, Jasper, a hairstylist or my family, then don't touch me. If it's something that bothers you, then at least ask if 'Can I hug you?'...otherwise, a nice, good handshake is awesome enough....or better yet, wave and say hello and wave and say goodbye. On this note, if anyone ever wants to get me a spa gift, please don't ever make it a Body Massage. I'll probably give it away.

3) Screaming kids

I totally understand how parents might think that their child is the most brightest star around, but we got news for you. Other people don't. And that includes how other, normal, sane people also don't think you little devil SCREAMING on the top of his lungs is cute either. If you like his screaming so much, record it and play it on your Ipod or something. We don't wanna hear it!

You know sometimes you're like at a mall, or the bookstore, or worse, at a maternity hospital, and some of these kids just run along the corridors and yelling for God knows what? It just touches this particular nerve in your brain and you just grind your teeth and bite your tongue. And you're there, staring at them, and their parents act so oblivious to how every other person there is ready to whip the child themselves! How hard could it be to shut them up in public? When I was a kid, I made all the ruckus I wanted at home, but when I was out, I was like this perfect angel....you know why? Cause my mom had no issue with the occasional slap : ) It works! A slap once in a while SO solves all tantrums!! But now, its more like the kids rule the parents!

4) Telling me I put on weight

I know if I have put on weight. Its my weight, ain't it? You really don't need to do me this huge favour of specifically pointing it out. I really don't care if you're my friend, colleague or student. If I have put on weight, the usual, normal etiquette specifically tells you to NEVER SAY IT. It's kinda like how you never ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you specifically see the baby popping out of her with your own eyes! Its such a Malaysian thing to gloat and enjoy the fact that someone's put on weight. Would you like it if I pointed out things about you that annoy you? Telling me that I've gained weight really isn't gonna make me like you anymore than I don't, and neither is it miraculously gonna dissolve that weight. So shut it. I know that I have, so you're really NOT helping by pointing it out. Besides, how is it any of your business?

5) Asking me when's the big day?

First of all, why do people even call it 'the big day'? What's so BIG about it? It costs tons of money, endless stress and tension, crazy ass running around and juggling, and more often than not, more arguments about what you should and shouldn't do. Its so much easier to just get registered. Well, that is one issue by itself.

I'm the one getting married, right? So if you see me still single, it obviously means I'm not married. When I do get married, you'll know. So what's there to ask? If I'm not getting married, again, obviously, there must be a reason for it, right? And if I'm not telling you the reason, it means you're not important enough to me that I should share my reasons with you. So why embarrass yourself? This is kinda like the weight thing, you know, there are some things you really should not ask someone. Whats even more annoying is when people you don't meet in, like, forever, suddenly chat you up on FB and without even a "Hello", they go straight to, "Eh, you almost 30 la. When you getting married?" Dude, first of all, you SO need to crawl out of whatever rock you been under for the last 2 decades, cause FYI, girls are getting married later in life. Secondly, how does it affect you? I'll marry when I think I want to. Stop asking.

6) Clubbing

Anyone who knows me, knows this. I hate clubbing.

It's loud, it's noisy, it's crowded, the toilets are always filthy and smelly, there are never enough chairs so you end up standing, while wearing heels, for 4 hours, people are constantly brushing pass you or stepping on your toes, it's smoky, it's annoying, the waiter takes a lifetime to get your drinks, the overall bill gives you a mild stroke, people get drunk and talk crap, people get drunk and behave like a bunch of idiots, the music gives you a headache and leaves you half deaf, most of the guys are looking to get hooked up, most of the girls are looking to get hooked up, everyone's flashing idiotic cameras in your face with the flash gives you temporary blindness, people look at you like you're an imbecile if you don't finish your drink in 5 seconds, your view is pretty much of the same crowd through out the night, conversation is ridiculous and you end up screaming in someone's ear just to be heard, your hair smells like Marlboro the next day, everyone is forcing you to dance when you really rather not, you end up going home at 6 in the morning and you wake up the next day with smelly hair, swollen eyes, a deaf ear, a dry throat, a lethargic body and an empty wallet.

So tell me again when the fun part begins?

7) People wanting pets to see what it can do for you

This one is definitely one of the things that annoys the life out of me. OK, so first of all, I'm a cat person. Now this don't mean I don't like dogs, cause I love dogs too, but if I had a choice to pick either one for a pet, I'm gonna go for a cat. So what really bugs me is when people go like, "Oh, you know, a cat can't do anything for you, he can't even protect you, like a dog can". This is unbelievable! So what you're saying is that we should keep a pet ONLY if it can do something for us? Otherwise, its a waste of time? I really don't think there's anything worse than that! That's like saying you only love your parents because they give you money, and they gave you food and shelter. Otherwise, I'm not gonna love them? How does this even make sense?

First up, to me personally, animals are of a lot more value than humans. Humans are such selfish and immature beings. A cat (or dog) would NEVER think that he's only gonna want to be with you to see what you can do for him, otherwise, you can go to hell. But we, supposedly the intelligent being, do think that.

So if people out there really think I'm wasting my time with a cat, because you think he does nothing for me, then here's the things that he DOES DO: he runs to the door everyday and meows in greeting when I get home, he follows me around the house so that I know he's here, he jumps on my bed every morning to wake me up when I snooze after my alarm goes off, he brings me his little paper ball so I can play catch with him, he sits on my laps and purrs away every night, he brings joy when I see him acting mischievous, he makes me laugh when he gets tangled up in strings, he makes me adore him when he insists on drinking only from the water fountain, he makes me smile when he rubs his fur on my legs and he makes me so happy every moment of the day.

Now, are you gonna say that all these points are absolutely unimportant and pointless simply because a cat can't protect my house? Seriously?

It is so ridiculous to even consider keeping a pet for any other reason than the fact that the only reason you should a pet, any pet, it because you love him and he loves you. Whether its a dog, a cat, a monkey, a chicken, a cow, a parrot, a rabbit or a hamster. So really, don't talk about how silly keeping a cat is if you don't understand the bigger picture.

So, you see, there a LOT of things in the world that seriously annoy people, especially someone like me. If you think about it, its really easy to not annoy people. Get a book on etiquette and READ. Don't shoot your mouth off without thinking what you're saying, don't behave like an idiot, don't do things that you don't like others doing to you. Seriously, just using the fact that its an 'Asian thing' isn't a good enough reason to make a fool out of yourself, right? If it's absolutely critical that you must be an idiot and not give people their space then, wait for them to like you, or at least, to tolerate you.

The Mad One Hour Rush

I began my classes today!!! Oh my God...the driving!! What was I thinking??!!

Annoying classes that I have this time are twice a week! Thursday's ones are a killer...Imagine driving all the way to uni, in the horrible hot and humid weather, and trying soooo hard not to kill the drivers in front of you!!!

Why oh why are Malaysian drivers so stupid on the roads? Especially those who drive right smack in front of you, cooly doing 45 km/h, crusing down the road, while talking to some idiot next to them, or worse, on the phone (not hands-free, mind you!) and totally clueless to the demon growing within you!!

I had one of these idiotic-kopi o -clueless-road crawler today.. Imagine this, my work ended at 2 pm, and I had to be at my class by 3 pm...and this is KL we are talking about (where you need an hour just to get out of your housing area)...so I had to rush to my car after work, manouever thru the hormone-driven driving of 18 year olds at college, be patient through the traffic lights, endure the highly intelligent idea of road works at 1 pm on the busiest road in Setapak, try not to yell at the huge busses and taxis that decide to stop just when you are right behind them....and of coz, live thru the wonderful KL traffic....rush to my uni, find a parking, and dash in the heat to my class before my lecturer gets there. And this is done within an hour! Phew!

So there I was, rushing thru Jalan Bangsar, and just as I was about to congratulate myself of my excellent driving skills of having 10 mins to spare, there comes this alpha-idiot who thinks that driving in between the lanes would win him the freakin Nobel prize for intelligence! Now naturally, he falls in the supra-idiotic category for

(1) being unable to decide which lane he wants to be in, and

(2) being completely ignorant of the fact that there are actually others on the road!

And then comes my favourite part..the traffic light!

In my dictionary, any colour other than red means go! Even if its amber. And if its green?
Duh-h! But this doink sees the green, sees other cars racing by, sees me thru his rearview mirror practically breathing down his back...and what does he do? He slows down! At a freakin green traffic light! God...you can imagine how much I would have loved to kick his ass!! I think my temper and blood pressure reached to boiling point in that very instance. Thus the headache.

Sighhhhh...I think I need to get myself a driver. I'm so close to losing my patience with these idiotic road crawlers. And its only been Week 1. By the time I get to Week 14, I'm pretty sure I'll give up my driving license and sell my car.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

You know how some people go on and on about there being only ONE love in a lifetime...about how marrying your childhood sweetheart is like a dream...about how being with only one person from the time you figure out you like the opposite sex till you die is the greatest accomplishment in life?

I'm sure that happens for a lot of people - having only ONE person and never looking anywhere else. But isn't that a little sad? Just a little pathetic too? It's like you've got this huge mansion, right, but you're only allowed to look out from just one window and see only one view. How would you know that that's the view you like, if you don't get a chance to look at other views? Maybe you might like the ocean view, or the road view, or even the backyard view. The point is, you gotta be able to see a WHOLE lot of views before you figure out what you like. Don't you agree?

So, anyhow, I'm a strong supporter of a person going out with and dating lots of different type of people. The more people you go out with, the more you realise what you prefer and what you don't. Arrange marriages are for psychos. So, for a girl, you really have to expand your horizons and date a variety of people. That don't make you no slut, let's be clear on that. That just means that when you do decide on being Mrs. Whoever, you decide that after being really sure. Isn't that a good thing!

Now, as usual, I have a list of the different types of guys a girl should date in her lifetime.

a) Type 1 - The Overly, Suffocatingly Sensitive and Romantic Guy

These are the guys who pretty much remember EVERY anniversary - the first phone call, the first date, the first kiss, the first shared milo ais, the first fight, the first person to apologise after the fight...etc, etc. They are the ones who bend backwards to celebrate EVERY anniversary - from red roses to cards to presents to gagging originally written poems. Of course, they are really nice guys, but they also tend to be just a little extreme enough that you wanna stuff the next rose down their throat : )

Warning: These guys wouldn't think twice to cry in front of you if their feelings have been hurt. So if you're one of those who find crying men absolutely adorable, then by all means stick with him. But if you're ready to scream at the next "No, you put down the phone first" line....it's time to cut loose and run, girl.

b) Type 2 - The Bad Boy/ The Player

The bad boys - we love them, we think they are SO cool, we totally wanna go for a ride on their motorbikes, we absolutely wanna be their girlfriends - but we already know it's not going anywhere. The bad boys/players are all charm. They make you wait and wait for their phone call, they won't think twice of standing you up at a date, they easily forget you as soon as the next girl looks at them - but then, they simply have to look at you with puppy dog eyes to make you forgive them for the current misbehaving and all future misbehaving. That's why they are called bad boys.

Warning: Bad boys/players know one thing and one thing only - to have a good time. Their ambitions and long-term goals are pretty much limited to an extent of 3 hours. They can party like it's the end of the world - but they can't promise you if they'll call you tonight. if you're looking for a ring, you're looking at the wrong one. Bad boys/players are fun to show you how to have fun. You DON'T wanna bring this boy home to meet mummy and daddy.

c) Type 3 - The Older Man

The older man is the one who is waaaayyyy older than you. He's completely responsible, has a retirement plan in check, has one or some property, is probably doing really well in his career and is all ready to marry you and move on to the next phase in his life. He never forgets important dates, he is very practical (maybe a little TOO practical at times), he knows how to have a good time but maybe is a little too uptight to really relax when partying. He promises a ready-made life, but stick with this one only if you are one of those who thinks a comfortable (and by that, I mean rich) life is a happy life.

Warning: The older man may seem like the perfect guy, but remember, he might not know who Edward Cullen or Adam Lambert are. He might talk passionately about ABBA or Grease (if you're already asking 'What's ABBA'?, you see the point) and he might find your chilled out attitude a bit childish. He might pressure you to grow up and be an adult - forgetting that you are still in your twenties and not a senior citizen.

d) Type 4 - The Asshole

The asshole is a person who pretty much makes your life miserable. He sulks, he looks for arguments on purpose, he blames you for everything that goes wrong in his life, he is a complete loser, he wouldn't think twice about verbally abusing you (of course, if its physical abuse, make sure you smack him in his balls and leave!) and he is generally a controlling maniac. These guys probably suffer from some childhood stigma or are just born with a stick up their you-know-where, but they still think the world owes them a fortune. A month or less of dating this type of a person is enough.

Warning: The assholes are complete losers. They might show you a really nice aspect the first few dates, but by the 2nd week of dating, you'll see their assholistic tendencies. Leave - and never look back.

e) Type 5 - The Really Really Sweet Guy

These guys are absolutely perfect. They know exactly what you mean when you're trying to explain something, they get your jokes, they are there for you after a really bad day at work/school, they bring you chocolates when you're craving for it in the middle of the night, they're your shoulder to cry on, they listen to you bitch and complain about everything from A-Z, and they love you just the way you are. The only problem is, they pretty much end up being a really great buddy rather than the love of your life. Which in turn, isn't such a bad deal either. You get to have a buddy to hang out with who is really like another you.

Warning: You're lucky if you can figure out that this one is a real gem of a guy. Set him up with a great girl, but don't end up being the girl. Remember, if there aren't any sparks to start with, there are never gonna be any sparks.

So these are the kind of girls all girls should get a chance to date. These guys teach you a lot of stuff.

The Romantic will teach you the importance of a little love and romance in a relationship - and to maintain that romance no matter if you been dating a month or married for 25 years.

The Bad Boy teaches you how to let loose, chill out and have a really good time and this is a lesson you need to remember when bills are piling up, work is stressing you out and you're pretty much ready to scream.

The Older man teaches you when to stop behaving like a child and to grow up - to not run away from responsibilities and to look forward to a different stage in life.

The Asshole teaches you to keep your temper in check and to generally be a nicer person.

and The Sweet guy teaches you to be there for someone else, to learn to love others and to be your guy's best friend.

And once you've seen through so many windows and experienced all the different views, that's when you might wanna decide about the final view you're choosing. The final view's gotta be good, you really don't wanna look at something you don't like looking at for the next 50 - 60 years of your life, do you?